A sabbatical from birth work

It feels strange to even begin typing these words as 6-7 years ago, I would never have imagined the day would come when I would NOT want to be at a birth almost every week! But after much soul searching and honest inquiry into my deepest desires for this season of my life, I have decided to take a sabbatical from regular birth work for this time.

When I first became a doula (and soon after, birth photographer), I was driven by my passion for birth and for supporting women during the beautiful and vulnerable moments surrounding stepping into motherhood. While that passion has not died, it has grown and morphed as I have grown, and I have found in this season of my own motherhood, the time has come to step away and take care of myself as I focus on other passions that have been growing in my heart, my own children, and the other children God has brought into our lives over the past year as we’ve worked with an organization called Safe Families to offer a safe home for children whose families are going through a difficult time.

Birth work is both incredibly rewarding and indescribably difficult at times, and for an enneagram 4 like myself, it can evoke deep emotions and even somewhat transcendent experiences. I have attended births so amazing and joyful that my hands have shook with laughter and happiness as I’ve captured some of the most miraculous moments in someones life. I’ve also attended births where time has stood still; I have put my camera down and my hands have trembled with shock. I’ve gone to therapy to deal with secondary birth trauma and prepare myself for stepping into the birth space the next time in a fully present and engaged way that serves my client.

I’ve missed my children’s birthday parties, performances, and even my own birthday and anniversary several times as I’ve rushed to a birth, often only to wait for hours before things pick up because… babies! They come on their own schedule! For years I’ve slept with my phone next to my bed, volume turned all the way up, bag packed and ready to go. Shoveling snow off my van in the middle of the night, driving through blizzards for a mountain birth, tossing and turning all night because I got a text at 11pm that contractions might be starting, and its a fifth time mom with a history of precipitous births! Yikes!

And the babysitting situation?! God bless every friend and babysitter that has received 1,732 texts from me over the course of a day! “I might need childcare today - I think my clients in labor.” “No wait… not yet.” “Can you possibly pick the kids up from school if I have to leave before then?” “I think I might need you in the next hour.” “Hang on - contractions stopped… are you available tomorrow though?” And then checking with the three other backup babysitters for plan A, B, and C, according to if my husband can drop them off, or work from home, or if kids need to be picked up, etc, etc, etc. The stress of living a life on-call when you have young children cannot be overstated! And my gratitude for my community and my husband who has done backflips with his own schedule to help out with the kids when I have to run to a birth… I truly married an amazing man. None of this would have ever been possibly without his support!

Despite the challenges, I have LOVED this work. To hold space for a woman as she navigates the wonder and intensity of childbirth and to get to document those moments is a privilege and honor I can’t even begin to describe. I have learned so much from each birth I’ve attended (it’s well over 100 now), and I will forever carry with me the lessons and memories I’ve gained over the past 7 years of birth work.

So what now?! Well… for starters, I’m thoroughly enjoying being off call! Turning off my phone at nights, snuggling into bed on a cold winter night knowing that I won’t be called away at 1am is pure bliss. Not ending every potential commitment with the phrase, “as long as I’m not at a birth!” I’m also pursuing an area of passion that has been growing for me over the past several years - a deeper dive into health and nutrition as I’ve been taking a course this year to become a certified health coach through the Institute for Functional Medicine. I’ve always been a bit of a health nut, but as I’ve navigated challenges with my own and my families health and seen remarkable breakthroughs through diet and lifestyle changes as well as a growing knowledge of herbs and other natural remedies, I can’t help but sense a call to continue to expand my knowledge in and possibly one day be able to serve others in this area.

I may very well step back into full time birth work at some point in the future. I don’t think I can every fully step away, but for this time I’m taking a complete break through the end of summer 2022 and after that my availability will be limited to repeat clients and friends. (I already have an unannounced birth or two on the calendar for fall of 2022.)

I’m deeply grateful for all my amazing clients, many of whom have become friends. I may be back a year from now announcing a full time return, but since I’ve been getting lots of inquires and people wondering why I’ve been so silent on social media, I decided to put out an official announcement about it. For first time mamas who have stumbled upon my blog, if you are looking for a doula / photographer, I’m happy to give out some referrals for excellent birth workers in the Denver area!

Wishing each of you all the best!

Joyanna

My home birth story - Birth of Jaxon

I’ve been wanting to sit down and blog Jaxon’s birth story for quite a while now - I seriously can’t believe it’s already almost been SIX months since this little man joined our family! So far he’s been the most easy-going of our three babies and fills my days with smiles, adorable baby-giggles, and of course, a never ending stream of drool!

Photo credit for above photo and all birth photos: Lindsey Bartell, https://www.lindseyedenphotography.com

My excitement grew every day in the months and weeks leading up to Jaxon’s birth. This was going to be our first home birth (a decision we had come to about midway through my pregnancy), and I felt very confident in our midwife and the birth team we had chosen. During the last few weeks of pregnancy, I had been listening to birth affirmations to help me mentally prepare, and the day before he came had finally finished assembling the birth affirmation banner my friends / kids had helped me make. The day before my due date, I hung it up in the living room where he would be born, and it felt symbolic that I was officially ready for him to come.

Elikia making an affirmation to add to the banner

Belly art with my girls!

Like Elikia, Jaxon is also a rainbow baby. Several months before we got pregnant with him, I had lost a baby we dearly wanted at 11 weeks, and that experience made each day of my pregnancy with him all the more precious and meaningful to me. I think there is always a bit of anxiety (at least for me) that comes with pregnancy after loss and I was so looking forward to finally having him safe and sound in my arms.

Both of our girls had come exactly two days before their due date, and as that deadline came and went, I prepared myself for the possibility that I might go past my due date for the first time. As a birth worker, I KNOW babies come in their own time and there’s really nothing I can do to control it, but I was still having a hard time being patient as I went to bed on Saturday, the night before his due date.

His due date, October 28, was a Sunday and since both of the girls had ironically been born on a Sunday, I was still holding out hope that maybe he would come sometime that day! I’d been feeling a little crampy Saturday afternoon, but nothing exceptional and it had completely gone away by that evening, so I didn’t think much of it. I must have had some intuition though because that evening I couldn’t shake the lingering nudge that I should ask my friend down the street if I could borrow her big pot to boil water in just in case we ran out of hot water for the birth pool. I asked Andrew to go over and pick it up from her around 8pm “just in case.”

I fell asleep at 11:30pm Saturday night and at 1:10am, I woke up with one somewhat strong contraction. This wasn’t super unusual since I’d had quite a few night-time contractions the past few weeks. I got up to make one of my many nightly trips to the bathroom, then went back to bed. Barely had I laid back down when I was surprised to feel a little gush of water. With both my girls, my water didn’t break until I was pushing, so this was a new experience for me! Knowing that it can still take quite a while for labor to start after the waters break, I texted my midwife to let her know then went back to bed to try to get some rest.

Around 1:30am I started noticing more small contractions and by 1:45am, I realized these were getting strong enough that I couldn’t really sleep through it. Andrew was still sound asleep at that point, so I woke him briefly to let him know I was going to get up and told him that I’d call him when it was time to set up the birth pool. Once I was up, I decided to time a few contractions and realized they were already lasting at least a minute and were coming about every 3-5 minutes. About 15 minutes later, I decided to wake up Andrew and began to contact my doula, birth photographer, midwife and my mom. I told them not to come yet, but wanted them to know things were ramping up. Looking back, I think I was in some degree of denial about how fast everything was actually moving! I asked my husband to go ahead and start filling the birth pool just to be safe, and I put the giant pot of water on the stove to boil.

Each contraction only seemed to get stronger than the last and after a few particularly powerful ones, I decided to go ahead and ask my birth team to head in. This was around 2:20, and I’m glad I didn’t wait any longer because things began to intensify very quickly from there! I’d been walking around picking up and gathering some last minute stuff for the birth, but at this point contractions were coming so close together, I decide to roll out the yoga mat in the baby room and went to a hands and knees position over the birth ball to continue laboring. Andrew checked on me and asked if he could help, but I told him not to worry about me and just to keep filling up the birth pool! By around 2:45 (less than an hour since I had gotten out of bed!), I was starting to feel a ton of pressure and knew baby was very, very close!

Not sure if I could hold off pushing for much longer, I asked Andrew to call our midwife who instructed me to stay put and not to try to move around or stand up! She was still about 10 minutes away (later she told me she was running red lights to try to make it on time!) The contractions and pressure I was feeing were extremely intense, and I was starting to legitimately think we might have to catch this baby ourselves! I remember pausing for long enough between contractions to find the bulb syringes and put them close by and ask Andrew to bring me some towels. Thankfully at almost that exact moment, my birth photographer, Lindsey Bartell walked through the door. I was so relieved to see her and remember thinking that if I caught this baby myself, at least it would be documented, haha!!

About 5-10 minutes later my midwife arrived and I instantly told her I wanted to get in the birth pool to push. Andrew had had to stop filling the pool earlier because the hot water had run out and there wasn’t quite enough water to push in (the water needs to be deep enough for baby’s head has to remain fully submerged during pushing)! He quickly turned the water back on and added the huge pot of hot water from the stove (which truly saved the day!). Now there was just enough as long as I stayed low as I could.

At this point his head was so low, I couldn’t stop myself from pushing and with two long, intense pushes, Jaxon’s head and then body emerged. I remember reach down to feel his head as he crowned and reminding myself to breath gently through the sensation of the ring of fire. Soon his body was out, and I reached out to pull him up as my midwife unwrapped a loose cord from around his neck. He was covered with white, cheesy vernix, and I instantly noticed his beautiful spiraled cord. Being the birth junkie I am, these aspects of birth were so incredibly beautiful and special to me! I embraced him and cried with relief to hear his little noises. He was very calm and content to just be on my chest.

The joy and relief of finally holding him in my arms was indescribable! Our original plan had been to have the girls at the birth, but things had been happening so fast, it hadn’t really occurred to me to wake them up. But almost as soon as he was out, I asked Andrew to call them so they could be part of it! I think they were a little shocked to be woken at 3am to find a birth pool, birth team, and brand new baby brother in the living room!

Zoey was feeling a little hesitant, but Elikia (who has always been fascinated with everything medical) wanted to get right in there and inspect her new baby brother!

After the placenta was delivered, we moved to our room to get a little more comfy and keep Jaxon warm. The girls were as excited to touch and feel the cord and placenta as I was to show them!

My dear friend and doula, Misty, walked in about 2 minutes after Jaxon was born. I was so glad she was there and she made me feel like a queen with bringing me coconut water to drink and dates to snack on (which help with slowing bleeding after birth) I was so thankful for her presence!

After about an hour, we decided to cut the cord. Elikia really wanted to help, so she and Andrew cut it together

One of the highlights of the birth was that my mom got to be there! (Right afterwards at least! She also missed it by minutes since Jaxon decided to come so fast!) This was the first time she’d been in the US for any of my kids births! So special!

The girls drew these sweet pictures for Jaxon and I! The “stay narly” stencil made me laugh!

By around 6am, everyone except my mom headed home, and she took care of the girls so Andrew, Jaxon, and I could try to rest for a bit. It was so nice to just cozy right up in my own bed, with Andrew and Jaxon right next to me. I was in a state of total bliss at how smoothly and beautifully everything had gone, and also still a little shocked at how fast my labor was. Less than 2 hours from my first contraction until he was born! I was so thankful I’d been able to just listen to my body and labor in the comfort of my home. We hadn’t taken the decision to have a homebirth lightly, but knew 100% that was the right decision for Jaxon’s birth! And truly, looking back, by the time I really realized I was in true labor, we probably wouldn’t have made it to a hospital or birthing center on time anyway.

Jaxon has truly been the missing part to our family - our family has felt so much more complete and settled since he arrived!

Many, many thanks to my wonderful photographer, Lindsey Bartell, https://www.lindseyedenphotography.com, who captured all these moments, and also made a short film of his birth! I will treasure these memories forever!

An afternoon with the Milton family

Whitney and I met several years ago when we were both new business owners, just venturing out into the world of photography. We instantly bonded over shared similarities of growing up overseas, and our passion to make a difference through our work. Although we were both photographing births at the time, Whitney eventually followed her passion for videography and went on to specialize in wedding videography, and you guys, she's INSANELY talented. If you know anyone getting married, or just want to check out some of the most beautifully told love stories you've ever seen, check our her work here: https://whitneymilton.com 

When she's not hiking a mountain to video an adventure elopement, Whitney is busy being a full-time mom to her two kiddo's, Harper and Nathaniel, and wife to her husband David. Their family is authentic, fun-loving and passionate about life, so when they asked me to capture an afternoon with their family, I was sooo excited! I love photographing families who "get" documentary photography -- who willingly invite me into the messy beauty of real life without trying to polish up and make everything and everyone look perfect first!

I met the Milton family at Pet's Mart to start our adventure together. A big transition in the Milton home had prompted this session -- after years of co-sleeping, Whitney's 3 year old daughter, Harper was graduating into her very own room! In celebration of this big moment, Harper got to go to the pet store to pick out her own fish for her new room. She was bursting with excitement! 

Once we arrived back home, Nathaniel, the baby, was hungry and ready for drink before setting up the fishtank. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent doing snack time, having a family dance party and playing together, then making a quick trip to the local Sprouts for groceries needed for dinner. 

Thank you, Milton family, for letting me document this sweet phase in your lives! 

Hospital Fresh 48 with my nephew and his three siblings

After my nephew's exciting birth (click here to read Part One) my mom and I crashed at a local hotel so we could be there in the morning when my new nephew got to meet this three VERY excited older siblings!

Around 9am, we headed back to the hospital to enjoy some coffee with my sister and some snuggles with sweet Justus while my brother-in-law (Andrew) made the 45 minute drive up the mountain to pick up the older children. 

The view from her hospital window -- the beauty of the mountains never ceases to amaze me! 

The older kids were so excited to have some special gifts to open from Grandma! Slippers and a new game! 

Blizzard birth of my nephew at highest elevation delivery unit in the US!

When my sister asked me to join her for the birth of my nephew, her fourth child, I was ecstatic! Her family had recently moved from WI so Colorado and now lived only two hours away from me in the highest elevation town in the US - Leadville. She was planning to give birth in Frisco, which is about 45 minutes down the mountain from their home and happens to be the hospital with the highest elevation labor and delivery unit in the US. My mom (who lives in Africa) had flown in for the birth and was staying with me when we received a message from my sister that she thought labor was starting. Of course, fate would have it that labor started during a giant blizzard. Along with many other mountain towns, Leadville was experiencing some widespread power and cell phone tower outages. My sister didn't have cell service, but let us know through WhatsApp that she and her hubby were going to drop the kids off at the sitter and head to the local OB's office to get checked out. Contractions were still mild at that point. 

Time dragged on, and my mom and I anxiously waited for an update since we knew it would be at least a 1 1/2 hour drive from Denver to Frisco. My intuition was telling me we shouldn't wait much longer and my mom agreed, so we decided to go ahead and start heading up the mountain. The higher we went, the worse the roads became and we made our way very cautiously through the almost blinding snowstorm. About halfway there, we received a text from my sister saying that her water had broken while they were in the OB's office and they were on their way to Frisco. Knowing how fast multips can deliver once their water has broken, I began to reconcile myself to the fact that we just might not make it in time for the birth. 

With a sigh of relief, we finally pulled into the hospital parking lot and raced up to the labor and delivery unit. Bethany and her husband Andrew had just made it there minutes before us, and when we arrived she was already beginning to show signs that her body was ready to push soon. Her desire for this birth had been to have an unmedicated birth, and she powered through the last few intense contractions with incredible grace and strength. After only a few mighty pushes, my sweet nephew made his way into the world. As his lungs filled up with air, my eyes filled up with tears! In between snapping photos, I glanced over at my mom to see she was just as emotional as I was! In fact, there weren't many dry eyes in the room. I was so proud of my sister, and so honored to be part of my nephew's incredible birthday!

Stay tuned for Part 2 with photos of the next morning when Justus met his three big siblings!!!  

Jackson's Beautiful, Unmedicated Birth

One year ago this week, I had the privilege of documenting the beautiful birth of an amazing little guy! Jackson, here is your birth story in your mama's own words! 

It was February 17, 2017, a full 16 days before I was due to deliver. I started having minor contractions around 6am, but believing they were simply more Braxton Hicks I began to get ready for the day as usual. I encouraged my husband Sean to go to work, assuring him that I would call if things started to progress. Around 7:30 the contractions started to be somewhat painful and I found myself lying on my bed with my phone timing each contraction, not believing that the time had finally come. By 8:30am the contractions were much stronger and were coming every 4-5 minutes. I called my husband and told him to hurry home. I then called my dad and asked him if he could please rush over to watch our 15 month old son Lincoln. My husband and father both arrived at the house at about 9am. I gave my first born a tight squeeze and a kiss goodbye and then we quickly drove to the hospital as my contractions continued to strengthen. Sean ran several red lights on the way, likely due to the intense moaning coming from the passenger side. We arrived at the hospital around 9:30am and they quickly checked us in. Upon arrival I was already 7cm! I remember feeling giddy with excitement as I anticipated meeting our little man, while also feeling scared of the pain I knew was to come. I had given birth naturally with our first child and I hoped to be able to do it again. To me, giving birth the first time, while excruciatingly painful, was also the most magical moment of my life. I looked forward to the moment that my little boy would emerge and be placed on my chest, our bodies warming and calming one another. I held this thought in my mind as contractions came and went, knowing that the pain of each contraction would pass.

About an hour after they settled us in a birthing room I still hadn’t progressed past 7cm so they asked if I wanted to have my water broken in order to accelerate the process. I was all about acceleration…until I wasn’t! I had forgotten how intense and overwhelming the contractions could feel once your water broke. There were several times I assured my husband that I was “dying” and I fully believed it as I clenched his arms and let out guttural cries to channel the pain.

By 12pm I began to feel the urge to push and I knew that my baby boy would be arriving soon. I found it easier to push this time around as my body seemed to remember what it was supposed to do. There were shouts of “I see the head” and “you’re doing great”. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the swarm of female doctors and nurses and my dear friend who were present. The feminine energy in the room seemed to provide a wave of strength and comfort to encourage my body to do what only a woman’s body can do. I also felt immense gratitude to have a husband who held my body as I labored and then my hand and head as I pushed. After several long and intense pushes my little Jackson Sutter wailed his way into the world.

The moment they placed his tiny naked body upon mine I felt a rush of deep, encompassing love for this tiny little man. Those few moments after he was born are as close to heaven as I think I can ever come here on earth. I was filled with a fierce protective desire to keep him safe, to make him know that he would always be loved deeply, and that I would cherish his tiny soul until the end of time. From the moment he took his first breath he seemed to be full of song. All into the evening he made sweet singing noises like he already had a heart full of joy. And it continues today, to his first birthday! He is joy incarnate with a smile as big as the sun and a sweet baby giggle that warms our hearts. Jackson means “gracious gift of God”. He truly is a gift and we feel so blessed to have him in our family.

A few favorites from 2017

I wasn't even sure where to begin with picking favorites for 2017! I was privileged to journey alongside so many incredible families last year both as doula and photographer.  Many of them were repeat clients and two were my own sisters - talk about emotional! New or repeats, all my clients have become so dear to me, each with such a unique and amazing birth story.  Words fail, so here are a few pictures to give you a glimpse of 2017. 

At just a couple hours old this sweet baby was already holding her head high to look at her daddy as they snuggled after a beautiful birth center birth -- sweetest thing ever! (Baby and Company)

The strong steady hands of her husband supported this mama through the birth of their second son at St Joseph's Hospital, Denver, CO.

Tears of joy streamed down mama's face as she finally held her son after a successful VBAC birth.

Admiring their perfect little bundle of joy! (Baby and Company)

These two big sister were over the moon about meeting their baby brother! 

Suspended between two worlds about to take his first breath!

The face of my brother-in-law after the birth of the miracle baby he and my sister had waited years to meet! ALL.THE.TEARS! 

The faces of love and relief after baby girl decided to make her fast and furious entrance on the car ride to the birth center! I met them on the rode and followed the ambulance to the hospital where this picture was taken. (Swedish Medical Center)

A midwife's gentle touch calmed this sweet girl during her newborn exam. (Baby and Co)

An amazing water birth in the peacefulness of her own home, surrounded by family and supported by two amazing midwives.

Two of my dearest friends with their sweet baby during his NICU stay. 

This dad was just glowing with admiration as he enjoyed some skin to skin time with his third son.

My sister after the birth of her fourth baby! She braved a blizzard to make it to the hospital just in time to deliver and I walked in the room with 10 minutes to spare! (St Anthony, Frisco, CO)

An amazing belly birth (c-section) I had the privilege of photographing. (Skyridge Medical Center)

All smiles after this empowering birth center birth! Even baby looks like she's smiling! (Baby and CO)

Such a privilege to get to capture these twin girls and their parents during their NICU stay. 

First kisses

The shocked face of a mama who just found out her surprise baby is a GIRL!

First moments with her son after a beautiful water birth. (Baby and Co)

Cutest yawn ever! (Rose Medical Center)

The face of a little boy who has just met his new best friend (his little sister!) 

Peaceful Birth-center Birth at Baby and Co.

When Janene contacted me to let me know she was expecting her second baby, I literally squealed with excitement! I had met Todd and Janene through a hypnobabies class I had taken early on in my doula career, and they had asked to join them for the birth of their first baby girl, Tesla. Despite the fact that their first birth had been quite challenging (including Todd getting food poisoning the night labor started, and Janene stalling at 9cm for over 7 hours), I had been so impressed by their tenacity and resolve as they gracefully powered through and were able to deliver Tesla naturally. At the time, I was still a "newer" doula and was also just starting to get into birth photography and their birth was one of the first few I had documented. So, when they contacted me about their second, I was excited both for the opportunity to work with these amazing clients again, as well as the chance to see how my skills had improved since the first time around! 

Janene was due December 23, but Christmas and New Years passed with no signs of baby. On Jan 4, Janene went in for a midwife checkup and they gave her some herbs and castor oil to help encourage labor to start on it's own. Within a few hours, Janene began to feel crampy and around 6pm she let me know that this was probably the real deal and said she might be heading to the birth center within a few hours. 10 minutes later, she let me know that things were getting much more intense and she was heading in. With second (or third of fourth!) time moms, I've learned things can move VERY quickly, so I immediately jumped in the car and headed towards the birth center. A big winter storm had just rolled in, so traffic was slow and the roads were slightly treacherous! Thankfully, we all made it to the birth center safely, and I arrived just minutes after Todd and Janene. Janene was at 6cm, and contractions were pretty intense. We thought we still had some time though, so while Janene got up to use the bathroom, Todd and Gaither (the midwife) worked to get the tub and nitrous oxide ready for use. 

While she was using the bathroom, Janene's water broke and she immediately started feeling "pushy!" The midwife checked and we were all surprised to hear she was now at 9.5cm! Janene decided to get in the tub, and within minutes, after only a couple of pushes, their second baby girl was born into the water and gently guided up Janene's waiting arms. 

First latch!

Copper being weighed and gently checked over by the midwife. 

Look at that head strength!!! Copper couldn't keep her eyes off her daddy!

After the birth, as I was taking pictures of Todd and Copper, Janene called me in to take a picture of "what postpartum really looked like." I love it.... 

All dressed and ready for her trip home. 

Hospital birth with some unexpected twists -- Lyla's birth story.

When I think of Taylor and David, the words that come to my mind are strength, determination, and love.  In the months leading up to their guess date, as we met up to discuss their birth plans, I learned that they were both avid mountain bikers, hikers, and lovers of all the wonderful outdoorsy adventures Colorado has to offer. They desired a birth that was as natural as possible, and we talked about ways to help this happen. They had also asked me to capture photos of their birth, and I was excited to get to document their story. 

One evening, Taylor texted me to let me know her water had broken and she was heading to the hospital.  Labor wasn't kicking in on it's own, so around 4am, the doctors decided to start her on pitocin to help things along. By around 8, things were intense enough that Taylor asked if I could head in. Despite being tired, Taylor was working through contractions beautifully. She and David had joked about labor being like a particularly difficult bike trail they had once climbed, and I could tell that the mental determination and physical strength Taylor had gained through mountain biking was truly paying off.

Within a few hours, Taylor had progressed from 4cm-9cm. We all thought baby's arrival was right around the corner, and although contractions remained extremely intense, several more hours passed without any significant change. After being up all night, Taylor was reaching the point of utter exhaustion, and finally opted for an epidural so she could get some rest. As the sun was setting, it was finally time to push. Taylor gathered her strength and pushed for over three hours before baby Lyla decided to make her appearance. David was right by her side, encouraging her on the whole time -- they make an amazing team!

Baby Lyla was placed on Taylor chest immediately, but was a little stunned after the birth and needed a little extra help to start breathing on her own. Things were a little intense initially, but thankfully she soon began to pink up and cry on her own. Taylor also experienced some medical complications, but thanks to a great staff, both of Taylor and Lyla were soon stabilized and able to be reunited. 

Baby and mama finally together again... 

Taylor's two sisters came in to see her soon after the birth. The bond between these three is so strong and beautiful -- it was such a special moment to document! 

Denver Birth Photography -- The peaceful hospital birth of Asher

Brooke had contacted me in September when she was looking for a doula for her December birth.  I was excited she was planning to deliver at Baby and Company (a local birth center), but sad that I was already booked for December and couldn't take on another client. I referred her to another doula, a trusted friend of mine, Nicole Edwards. Little did I know that our paths were still meant to cross!

On the morning of November 15, I received a text from Nicole saying that she had a client who had gone into labor early and was looking for a birth photographer since the photographer she had planned on using was out of town. It just happened to be on a day that my schedule was flexible and after a few phone calls I was able to line up babysitting and head over to Lutheran Medical Center. It wasn't until I was on my way there that I made the connection that this was the same client I had corresponded with several months before! I was excited to get to join Brooke and her husband Drew for this amazing experience after all! 

Brooke was inspiring as she labored gracefully throughout the day with strength and determination.  The hospital room became her own sacred birth space with hand-made birth affirmations adorning the window and Christmas music playing peacefully in the background. Drew and Nicole were amazing in their support.  

Soon after 3pm, after less than 10 minutes of pushing, baby Asher was born into his mother's welcoming hands and brought straight to her chest. Despite being five weeks early, he came out crying and breathing just fine on his own and weighed in at a whopping 4lbs 15oz. 

**Scroll to the end for a link to Asher's birth video! 

Congrats, Brooke and Drew!! Asher is absolute perfection! 

Click here to see Asher's birth video: https://vimeo.com/196033850 

Happy Birthday, Asher!

My "baby" is turning 3!!! And why birth photography is so important to me!

I've been feeling rather nostalgic this week, (partly because I've been on an organizing spree, sorting through boxes of pictures and keepsakes), and partly because my youngest daughter, Zoey, turns 3 TODAY! She came after a fast and furious labor -- I'd had on and off contractions for several days, but nothing that was turning into real labor. I had been up early Sunday morning with somewhat consistent contractions that faded off again before they intensified. At the time, we had a 22 month old daughter, Elikia, a 6 month old foster daughter (baby V), and I was just ready to have this baby and be done! I called my midwife that morning, asking if there was anything I could do to help this prodromal labor turn into active labor. She suggested red raspberry leaf tea, so I ran to Target, picked some up, and drank 3 cups over the course of early afternoon. Then I laid down for a nap around 3pm. No sooner had I laid down then contractions began in earnest. After so many false alarms, I was hesitant, but within a few hours realized this definitely seemed to be the real deal. We called my sister in-law to come stay with the girls, expecting to go to the hospital, labor most of the night then have a baby! We arrived around 6:45pm and I was shocked to find out that I was already 8cm dilated! I wanted to get in the tub sooo badly, but had to wait for them to get the 20 min monitor on baby and get an IV port placed (which blew my vein 3 times in the attempt!!) By the time that ordeal was over, I was ready to push! (At the time, I was really irritated that I hadn't been able to get in the tub, and I remembered asking if I could get in as soon as baby was born! My midwife laughed and said maybe!) I'm sure she knew that would be the last thing on my mind once baby was here! Unlike with Elikia, pushing was MUCH easier this time and by 7:23pm, Zoey was born and placed on my chest!

the ONLY picture we have from soon after she was born!

She came out with the loudest cry I've yet to hear from a newborn! We joked that she completely skipped that sweet little newborn cry and was crying like a 3-6 month old from the beginning! Maybe she knew that with a 22 month old and 6 month old sister, she might need the extra volume! :)  I was elated and so surprised at how much easier labor had been this time around and Andrew and I were thrilled she was here and healthy!

We hadn't planned for the older girls to come see her right away, but it had all happened so fast, and I was feeling so great, we called my sister-in-law and asked if she wanted to bring them over. (In hindsight, I don't think right at bedtime was a great time to bring Elikia over to meet her new sister! She was a very overwhelmed and tears was not quite the reaction we had hoped for!!) She finally did warm up a little and even gave Zoey a little kiss before leaving.  Baby V (the 6 month old) was pretty indifferent to our newest addition. ;) We were both excited and nervous about this awesome responsibility of parenting three little ones!

our little family! <3 <3 

Even though I loved photography and had invested in a good camera after Elikia was born, I hadn't even thought to bring it along for Zoey's birth, or teach Andrew the basics on how to use it. Almost every picture we got in the hospital was on Andrew's phone, and all of those have been lost, except for the ones I had shared on Facebook. And despite how fuzzy and technically terrible these pictures are (from a photography standpoint), they are absolutely priceless to me!

Looking at them instantly brings back memories of all the feelings that day --  the elation, joy, exhaustion, and overwhelming love I felt for Zoey and my whole little family! I'm so thankful for them, but I'm still kicking myself for not having made photos more of a priority. I wish I had some that showed what an amazing support Andrew was to me during labor -- because he was! And of how hard I worked to bring her here, and of Andrew's face when she was born (I would do almost anything for a picture of that!)  And because I'm a birth junkie, I REALLY wish I had pictures of what her cord and placenta looked like. I know I saw them -- but so many details are lost in the haze of birth! 

When I became a doula, I KNEW I couldn't just stand by and not document these incredible moments for my clients. So I began offering to take pictures as well and the reactions of tears and delight I got from my clients after delivering their pictures inspired me to keep taking photos. For those who've had fairly "normal" births, the photos immortalized the joy, wonder, and easily forgotten details of that day. For those whose births did not go according to plan, the photos helped have been part of the healing journey, allowing them to process their experience and see their own strength, courage, and the threads of beauty of their unique birth story.  I am continually humbled and honored to be tasked documenting one of the most sacred events of someone's life -- the birth of their child. 

And on this day, I'm celebrating the birth of MY child! The one who has stretches me to be a better mother, who amazes me with her fearless courage, who makes me melt with her sweet hugs and long, slobbery kisses, and who takes me from tears of exasperation to peals of laughter faster than anyone I know! Happy Birthday, Zoey!!!

Vienna's birth story

A doula friend texted me on a Thursday morning asking if I would be able to take on a last-minute client who was being induced that day. My friend was leaving town for the weekend and explained that her client, Kayle, had been planning to give birth at the birth center, but due to the onset of preeclampsia needed to be induced a couple weeks early.  Both of the clients I had been on call for had delivered earlier that week, so I said, "sure!" 

Kayle and I kept in touch through text and phone call as she began the induction process Thursday afternoon. Inductions are always a little unpredictable and can sometimes take days. This one was no exception. Thursday night passed and contractions had not kicked in yet. Throughout the day on Friday, her midwives tried almost every induction method to get Kayle's body to go into labor, but this baby was just not ready to come!  Finally, on Saturday morning, contractions began coming more consistently. Kayle was ready for some extra support, so I made my way to the hospital and joined Kayle, her husband, Matt, and her mom. When I saw how calm and collected she was, I could hardly believe she was on day 3 of induction and on the highest possible dose of pitocin! We spent the morning walking around and trying different position changes, including some yoga moves that seemed to bring relief.  Unfortunately, contractions were still not strong enough to be causing labor to progress. Finally the decision was made to break her bag of water, and then things began moving forward in ernest! 

Despite the fact she had hardly had any sleep the past three days, Kayle amazed me with her strength and focus through an incredibly intense labor. Her husband and mom were a rock-solid support team and it was beautiful to watch the obvious love they shared. Besides a small dose of fentanyl to help her get some needed rest, Kayle powered through labor with no pain meds!  Finally, at 7:04pm, beautiful baby Vienna was born into the supportive hands of her midwife. 

Kayle got to do immediate skin to skin with Vienna!

Despite the difficulties of a three day induction, Kayle (who is nurse), was so impacted by her own birth experience that she has decided to pursue training to become a midwife. I can't wait to see where that journey takes her and was honored to be a part of her birth story!!! Congrats, Kayle, Matt and Vienna!!

Family-centered cesarean birth at Rose Medical Center

I met Sarah and Francis early on in their pregnancy when they were looking for a doula and was so honored when they asked me to join their birth team! We met several times to talk through their birth plan and desires for this birth. An avid crossfitter, Sarah was hoping for a natural birth, and I had no doubt that she could do anything she set her mind to! However, as I find myself reminding my clients and myself so many times, the only predictable thing about birth is that it's unpredictable! And Baby Maizy had her own plans for her grand entrance to the world.  Read Sarah's story in her own words below! 

The morning of April 5th I had my 39 week appointment and my doc asked if I wanted my membranes swept..."Sure" I said, not completely sure what that meant.  Throughout that entire day at school, I knew something was happening, I remember texting my husband saying weird stuff was going on "down there" :)  He told me not to get my hopes up.  Around 11 PM that night I was woken up when the contractions kicked in and they kicked in hard.  I went from about 10 minutes between contractions to 7 to 5 in about 3 hours.  We finally went to the hospital around 5 AM and I lasted about 2 hours there with no epidural.  At that point I had been laboring for about 8 hours and my contractions were CRAZY!  They lasted about 90 seconds and were SUPER intense.   I had originally planned to try without any drugs, but I was so exhausted from being up all night and my body said no way we need some help.  That is when the waiting started.  And we waited....and we waited...and we waited.  Every single doctor and nurse who came into the room said oh we are right on track you should have this baby this afternoon...afternoon came and nothing.  Joyanna arrived in the morning and was there for ALL of the waiting.  I can't imagine how boring :) but she never batted an eyelash and was there for anything I needed.  She was so good about helping my husband help me. 

Around 5 PM I think I hit my emotional breaking point.  I was so tired, I had slept about 4 hours total in the previous 36  and thinking about getting to the actual pushing part seemed like the hardest thing I would ever have to do and I wasn't sure if I had it in me.  It was really hard for me to realize that I might not be able to do this.  I am a crossfitter and had worked out up to the day I went into labor so I thought I was totally strong enough for anything.  Admitting to myself that my body had different ideas was really hard and I believe around that point I threw up and  the tears started.  At 9PM my doc came in and said that my cervix was becoming swollen because of the amount of pressure being forced upon it by baby's head and I was probably not going to be able to become fully dilated.  It was at that point where a C-section was decided and they started prepping me.  I am going to be honest, I thought that I would feel like a failure for not being able to have my baby the "right" way, but at that point I just wanted her to be here and be healthy. 

View fullsize

accepting that a c-section was the best option and saying goodbye to family before heading back.

When they gave me the drugs, I almost immediately started shaking, and as they wheeled me back they shaking got way more intense.  My husband was amazing and right there holding my hand the whole time and within 8  minutes of them cutting into my belly Maizy was here.  After they showed her to me, Francis went with her.  I didn't want her to be alone, and thank GOD for Joyanna.  She stayed right by my side and held my hand through the shaking and 2nd half of the procedure.  

Seeing Maizy for the first time was magical.  I am tearing up as I write this and think back to those moments.  The minute they laid her on my chest she calmed down and looked right at me.  I still can't believe that she is mine.  The emotions a mom goes through on the day of meeting there baby is super hard to describe and I think every mom goes through them all.   I went from excitement, to impatience, to fear, to intense fear, to total exhaustion, to the most intense love ever.  At the end of it all I felt this little twinge of failure, I had not been able to bring my baby into the world the way women are supposed to, but when it is all said and done I would not trade my experience with anything because I got my little nugget :)

in the recovery room, first latch

sister's reaction! <3 <3 

VBAC hospital birth

Having spent most of my life overseas, I often find myself connecting quickly and deeply with others who grew up abroad, and this was definitely the case when I met Nomin!  While her sweet son, Naran, played quietly nearby, Nomin shared the story of her first birth, a rather traumatic experience that ended in c-section.  After careful research, she had decided to pursue a VBAC with the midwives at Denver Health and to hire a doula (me!) who could help support her through the process.

During our two prenatal meetings we discussed her desires for this birth in depth and explored evidence based information, options and comfort measures. The 40 week mark came and passed with no sign of baby making her appearance. Finally, as she was nearing 41 weeks, Nomin began experience prodromal labor which lasted for several days. On Thursday at 41 weeks, 1 day, contractions steadily became more consistent, progressing to every ten minutes by the end of the day. Around 7pm Nomin decided to power walk to the gym and soon after her contractions increased to every 6-9 minutes.  We kept in touch as things continued to intensify and I met them at the hospital early on Friday morning. Contractions continued coming strong and steady throughout the day, but progress was slow.  Nomin was experiencing intense back labor, and we tried many position changes, massage, tub, and the Miles Circuit to try to help baby assume a better position. Nomin’s husband, Greg, an Doctor of Chinese medicine and acupuncturist was an amazing support throughout the entire process.  His knowledge and skill in Chinese medicine and alternative pain relief methods proved extremely valuable and it was beautiful to observe their loving relationship during such a difficult labor.

 Around 5pm, after being stalled at 6cm, Nomin opted for an epidural and was able to get some much needed rest! When she woke up from a nap at 2am, Nomin began using the peanut ball to help baby get into a better position and was able to go back to sleep again for several hours. During that time, baby got into position and she dilated fairly quickly to 9cm. After pushing for just under an hour, beautiful baby girl Sayana made her appearance! She was born with her little hand next to her face. The midwives and nurses at Denver Health were amazing and Nomin was elated to have her successful VBAC. She worked so hard for it, and absolutely deserved this amazing birth!

Beautiful, unmedicated hospital birth!

Krystal and I met last spring through a hypnobabies class we were both auditing. As the only two doulas in the class, we quickly connected through our shared love of all things birthy! We kept in touch through the summer and later that fall, she texted to tell me the exciting news that she and Keith were expecting another baby!  I was beyond thrilled when she asked me to be her birth photographer and it was such an honor to document this incredible birth!  Read Krystal's amazing story in her own words below...

---

Thursday night (February 25th) was our normal routine as usual. Gave Big Brother Kam a bath, read him a few bedtime stories, gave him good nite kisses and tucked him in for bed. I was tired so I went to lay down on my bed while Keith went downstairs to tidy up the kitchen. A few minutes after I laid down in bed I felt and heard a small pop followed by a small gush. I laid there for a minute or so going back and forth in my head, "Was that my water that broke?!" or "Did I just pee myself?!"  I yelled out to Keith "Babe! I think my water just broke!" He ran up the stairs in total panic mode asking what should we do. I told him he could calm down a bit and asked him to grab a towel so that I could put it between my legs before I stood up in case there was another big gush. I slowly got up and wobbled to the bathroom and as soon as I sat down there was another big gush. Yup! That's my water! I called my midwife and she let me know that if any contractions started that I could go ahead and come to the hospital (since my labor with Kam was only 4 hours we weren't waiting for active labor to start) and if no contractions started I could stay home for 12 hours before I needed to come in and be checked.  After we got home from dropping off Kam at my mom's house (about 2 hours after my water broke) we decided we should just go to bed and get some sleep before things picked up. As soon as I tried to go to sleep contractions started coming every 4 minutes and lasting about a minute long. After 1.5 hours of timing these contractions I decided it was best to just go to the hospital and get checked in just in case labor went fast again.

After getting to the hospital, being admitted and getting settled into our room my contractions stopped. I had already called my doulas and our birth photographer to the hospital so we were all thinking of ways to get labor going again. We got up and sat on the birth ball, we walked the halls for a bit and tried the Miles Circut but after all that only a few mild contractions. So we tried to take a nap. As soon as I started to fall asleep contractions started again. So I got up to take a shower to help bring on more contractions. Nope. Contractions stopped again.  We spent all of Thursday night and all day long on Friday trying to get a good contraction pattern going but as soon as contractions would start they would slowly fade away again.

After an exhausting 24 hours (after my water has broke) it was time to start discussing induction options. After speaking with my midwife and discussing options with my doulas) I decided to go with 1/4 dose of Cytotec orally. But before I could take the Cytotec I had to have an IV placed. The nurse came in to place the IV and she ended up blowing 2 veins after digging around and pulling the IV in and out of my arm! I had reached my breaking point! I was so tired physically and emotionally exhausted. I had a good cry and remember telling my husband "I'm done! I don't wan to do this anymore! I just want my baby in my arms!" Keith took over and helped get the midwife in our room to give me a pep talk and get my head back in the game. She had the charge nurse come in to try placing the IV. Her first attempt she hit a nerve in my hand that shot pain all the up my arm and neck. Ouch!! On her second try she finally got my IV placed. After all of that (around 8pm on Friday night) I took my 1/4 Cytotec pill and then tried to go to sleep. Just an hour after trying to fall asleep my contractions started (around 9pm). They started out mild and continued to get stronger, longer and closer together. (This is where my memory gets a bit fuzzy due to trying so hard to focus on getting through each contraction.) My midwife checked me around midnight and I was 7cm! Keith called our doula and photographer to hurry and come back to the hospital (after they had been already called for 2 false alarms) because labor was picking up fast! At this point I also remembered that I wanted to try nitrous oxide. So I quickly asked my midwife for it and the anesthesiologist brought it in and showed me how to use it.  I was able to use it for 2 or 3 contractions before my claustrophobia kicked in and I started to feel the urge to push.

Everything was happening so fast. The pressure in my bum was growing with each contraction and I could feel my baby getting lower and lower and then all I was aware of was the urge to push. I specifically remember yelling "I'm PUSHING!!" because I couldn't go against what my body was telling me to do. The midwife and nurse both made it into the room. I was standing on the side of the bed so Keith and the midwife were both kneeling on the floor behind me ready to catch the baby. I recall pushing 3-4 times and baby Kolton was born right into Keith's arms at 2:07am on Saturday February 27th. Since I was standing on the side of the bed the nurse told me to reach down and grab my baby. So I reached down and Keith passed Kolton between my legs, I grabbed him and then laid down on the bed, placed Kolton on my chest, he stopped crying, started rooting and latched onto my breast to start feeding! He was so happy and content on mommy's chest!  Welcome to the world baby Kolton!